Feeling completely known, safe and accepted in your vulnerability brings euphoria to human beings, because we were designed for intimacy and freedom. ~Danny Silk (founder, Loving On Purpose)
- Do not offer advice
- Do not try to fix anything
- Be present
- "I hear you"
- "Thanks for sharing"
- Share emotions, not judgements
- Avoid words like "good" or "bad" or those listed below the feelings wheel
- Attempt getting down from the reaction emotions to a tender emotion, if you can.
The Tender Emotions
- What if I can not think of any emotions or if I can not get to a tender emotion?
- Trying builds your emotional intelligence muscle. Good job for trying! You will improve.
- What if my partner shares something that surprises or triggers me and I do not know what to do?
- Your job is extremely simple, just be present. You may say phrases like, “I hear you,” or “thanks for sharing.” Nothing more is needed.
- What would keep me from doing this in the future?
- You must answer this question. If your goal in the relationship is to connect, you must answer this question, then make a plan to protect your connection.
This contains the above guidelines plus a tool depicting emotions around a wheel, they are grouped by category to help put words to your thoughts. Click the image below.